New Year

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

Because I am a sociologist I love random vague quotes and this one stuck out to me for the New Year. People simply need a reason and they will do almost anything as long as the reason makes sense and has a purpose. This purpose gives humankind a sense of why the world is and helps gives us a sense of control.

This year one of my goals is to stop worrying about the why of everything and live life to the fullest without having to always question the meaning and needing to always have all of the information. Sometimes we worry to much about the details and loose the beauty of the adventure. This year I want to find the balance between the purpose and the thrill of life.

Promise

Knowing that someone loves you can make a world of difference! They see your imperfections and strengthens as parts of you and they embrace both sides. In their eyes you are pretty much perfect, and with their help you can reach that level you have been striving for. Never have I felt this content with a relationship. The future holds amazing promise, and it's exciting to see where it leads.

Ballad of a Healing Heart

So it's really hard to open your heart up to the possibility of heartache again. Just the idea of loving someone with all my heart really scares me, and makes me want to run away from the potentially awesome guy I have in mind. Putting my heart on the line has never worked out, in the past, and so here I am wishing I could easily open up without having such a fear of being broken again, but at the same time I wonder if it's worth it. Loving someone is so easy for me, but for some reason, no one ever returns that love enough to balance out and form a lasting relationship...

This is stupid!! Every time a boy doesn't like me, I get all hurt and depressed. This is getting way out of hand. From now on I refuse to let boys control my happiness. I don't need to have men falling all over me and taking me out on dates to be happy. I'm taking great classes this year, I have an awesome job, and I have great friends and family that are close by. These things can complete my happiness for a while!

My New Apartment

I love my new apartment, but it still feels weird having everything in a different place. All of my stuff is here, but it doesn't sit right. I guess it's one of those things that will slowly change, but as of right now I feel like I might be living someone else's life...

The Dilemma...

I don't think life can get any more confusing when it comes to guys. For some reason I always become attracted to the guys that either don't know what they want or can't seem to express it correctly. This is my first problem. Secondly, what do I do when I like two guys equally, but nothing ever seems to happen with either one? One is in another state at the moment and the situation is on hold, while the other comes over and hangs out but never initiates anything. The friend thing is getting old especially when I have a crush on them and would like to be more than friends, but if that were to happen it would makes things more confusing because I like them both... what is a girl to do?

It's All In My Head...

Sometimes I feel so alone that I lay in bed unable to sleep because the loneliness consumes me. I have started to listen to my ipod while I fall asleep, because it's easier to listen to music then my thoughts. Why must the idea of being alone scare me so much? I know I'm never really alone, but the unclear future worries me and sometimes I wish I had the confidence to just break out of my shell and not let my fears get to me...