So the year is slowly growing to a close and I wanted to dedicate a post to the old year. A lot has happened this last year. I fell in love with a great guy, finally figured out my future plans for my education, and found a bit of myself that was once forgotten. I have grown in so many ways and I thank my heavenly father for the blessings that I have received this year. It has been a year of many things including trials, but all of the maturing and realization has been worth the struggle and the many tears that were shed. All in all it has been a great year and I hope that 2010 is just as fantastic!!

I am ready for a week of acting like a kid again!!! Just a few more days until I can play in the snow, jump bales, play hide and seek, and dance like crazy. : ) Boy I love going home and spending time with my siblings!!!

I don't know if this is special to only me, but music literally feeds my soul and affects the mood that I'm in. I have a hard time not getting emotional when I listen to music, and sadly I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and listen to my music. Over Christmas break, I plan to just sit and do absolutely nothing as the music plays in the background of my thoughts. It sounds absolutely fabulous and I can't wait until finals are done so I can do so!!!

So it is now after Thanksgiving and I have three weeks of class/finals left in the semester. I need to desperately focus, but all I can think about is Josh... He comes home on the 17th, which is about two weeks away. I wish I could just put things mentally in the back of my mind, but unfortunately I don't have that ability with some things!

Shout Out!!!

Can I just say that I have so many people who I love so much!!! These people are all an important part of my life and they help me so much!! To all those people who care about me, I'm thankful for all of you.

Sometimes Neeley scares me....

wow we are definitely a bunch of hotties!!!

Pie anyone??

just look at all of those smiling faces!

Put those hands up, buddy!

Top Ten

Okay so I have always wanted to make a list of the things that I want to do before I die. These do not have to happen before I'm a certain age, because I firmly believe that I will be a ball of fire even when I am at the ripe old age of 70! Okay here goes...

1. Learn to surf and scuba dive. Hopefully in Hawaii...

2. See the pyramids and the Nile.

3. Visit Australia and see the Outback with all of it's unique peoples and creatures.

4. Go to New Zealand and see where The Lord of the Rings was filmed!

5. Take a hot air balloon ride.

6. Pray in the Sacred Grove.

7. Road trip across the United States.

8. Go to an amusement park. (never been to one...)

9. Have a girl's day at a Spa.

10. Go to another country and serve those in need.

I hate those days where you look super hot, and you have no plans... I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go!!! Man I feel like I'm back in Montana. On top of it all, it happens to be a friday night and I'm staying home to do homework and wish I had someone who wanted to take me out and show me off.

So I have done nothing special with my academic career!! No study abroad programs, no living in another country, no learning another language, and my thought is what have I been flipping doing with my education! Yeah, so I have been taking classes, but where is the real hands-on experience that I have always wanted? I think I fail at life...

Happiness

So I have come to the realization that happiness really is a frame of mind! If I want to be happy I have to choose it. No one can change my mood for me, and if I sulk and end up being mad at my friends, it won't make me feel better. You would figure that I would have understood this a long time ago, but practice does make perfect... or at least better!!

Only A Fairy Tale??

So I've been thinking a lot about the difference between loving someone and needing them, and I have decided that they are very different in many ways. A lot of examples have come to mind, and after much thought, on the subject, I have to conclude that relationships aren't as simple as I once thought. For example, wanting to spend your life with someone involves considering what needs are best for them along with your own needs. This can be a very complex situation, one that usually involves putting the other person's needs before your own. This is where the love comes into play, because this selflessness can only come when you truly love that other person unconditionally and would give the world for them. With this idea in mind, I can't help but feel somewhat depressed, because I don't know of anyone who could love me that much. It seems almost naive to hope for that...

Today it rained!!!! I love the rain; how it smells fresh and how it cleanses the world. It was a beautiful sight to watch the rain come down and hit the road. It looked almost like it was rolling across the street. I just stood and felt the rain fall down and it was cool and refreshing.

I love watching Full Metal Alchemist, and I have to admit that watching it for a second time makes me realize just how much I missed the first time! I love Japanese Animation, and I love how nerdy it makes me sound.

So I have been thinking a lot about the past and how I miss the things that I don't have in my life. My life changes so suddenly, and sometimes I wish everything would slow down so I could catch up. I feel like life is going on without me, and if I don't go out and take part that everyone and everything will move on without me. My greatest fear is being left behind, yet I'm frightened to take a risk. It hurts to much to open up when there are no guarantees.

So today I happened to see two guys walking to campus, and they were both wearing white shorts... I don't know about you, but I kind of think that that is rather feminine. White shorts are a pretty stupid color to have in the first place, but if guys wear them I have to think that they are little, shall I say special? Even worse these two guys were obviously roommates, and they were talking about meeting up after class to go home for lunch. Is that a little to "together" for most guys?

So today in my Psychology class we talked about a small part of your brain that helps you to store memory. This section of the brain can become unresponsive, and you can lose the ability to remember something from a few moments ago. You can't remember what you might have done 5 minutes ago, and you will go through a kind of fresh start every minute or two. Thinking about this possibility makes me want to always say what I mean and never take anyone or thing for granted. Our brains are so complex and it's pretty miraculous how they send and receive signals and impulses; we take this for granted already, because we don't realize what we have until we loose it!

How do I know that you will come back?

This question keeps running through my mind

as you slowly drift away

Will this hug be the very last that you give me

before our lives separate

Am I strong enough to say good bye

when you need me to be

You can't guarantee the things I need to hear,

and that leaves me with the simple understanding that

we love each but will have to wait and see

Will it be to late when you come back, have we missed our chance...

only time will tell.

When you can honestly say that you would put your life in danger for someone else's, then you know that it's true love; not lust, and not a passing fling. This kind of love is so surprising and yet it feels so right! When you want to put your life on the line for someone you love, and when you know that they would do the say for you, nothing can keep you from having a solid relationship filled with the purest love and trust.

"I may be weak, but I'm never defeated and I'll keep believing in that sweet silver lining."

This quote from Kate Voegele's song is such an inspiring thought. Though I'm weak and not always strong, there are always silver linings to look toward and remember just how wonderful life is. Thanks, Neeley, for introducing me to this uplifting song!!!

I love living in Utah!! For some reason, it is a lot greener here than in Montana right now, and the amazing green foliage is just beautiful. I can't help but want to take a walk everyday when I come home from work. Just wandering around helps me to appreciate the glorious nature and it also helps me to see tiny miracles from God. How truly remarkable is the color green and the sudden surprise of colorful blossoms that leap out at you and suddenly brighten up your day!

Life always throws surprises at you, and sometimes I can only smile and think to myself oh my! Things never turn out how you suspect and I guess life is meant to keep me on my toes. : ) It's those little things that always jump out and make life interesting!!!

It is interesting to understand the concept of a heart breaking. Never before have I reflected on this rather oblique interpretation of pain. It just sounds so impossible, because I always envisioned a heart splitting into two, something you might see in movies. But recently I have felt this rather obtuse explanation, and I have to say that it is real. How sad that something so crazy and impossible can actually happen do to strong emotional trauma.

Monday I started working full-time at my job. Since this has been my first real office job, this occurrence is also a first for me. Never before had I realized the weird feeling of going home and having nothing to do! Being a young adult, I guess I technically should go out and mingle with people my age, but that seems like too much work. Who wants to have to work when they get home from work? So what do I do in my spare time... Alas I'm still hobby-less.

I have decided that although snow can be hindering, I love it anyway. Last week when it snowed, I was waiting at the bus stop for my bus home, and it started to snow like crazy. The wind was blowing a little bit and the snow looked so amazing coming down. I stood out and let the snow blow in my face and it made my face feel tingly! I immediately wanted to stick my tongue out and catch snowflakes! I felt like I was five again looking at the world in a different way, just enjoying the minutes passing by.

My Dream Dog

                   
These are the best dogs ever!! 

      

 Just look how cute they are!

I want one!

So it's my birthday on Friday and I'm still trying to embrace that fact that I'm turning 20! Wow how time flies... Sometimes I wish that I were 5 again, without any adult problems, and yet I love being my age. Life is truly the greatest gift I have, with all of my loved ones! Life's journey is something that is entirely surprising and you can never guess what will happen next, but that's where all of the fun comes from. Without the adventure we wouldn't want to live life and there would be so much that I would miss in life.                                       

                                                                    

Pondering Life...

                                      

Flowers are one of the most beautiful creations! These are some of my favorites. They have such bold colors and have such a regal air about them. They represent a time where everything is growing and breathing of life. 

New Perspective

Have you ever consciously looked at something from a different perspective? Not just glanced at it and thought "whatever," but truly stopped to think about how others might see it, or how it would look differently to you if you were in a particular mood. Yesterday was a different perspective day, for me! I had been looking at my life so far, calculating the choices I've made and where they have taken me. And for the first time, I looked back on them with a new enlightened perspective. I only focused on the good that I have done, and it truly changed my outlook on life. Gone were the negative thoughts about my mistakes and bumps in the road. It immediately brightened my mood and since then I have been extremely happy and content.