The Diet

I have started a diet with Levi. It is a month long process that is supposed to burn fat. This is the first diet that I have ever started and it has been an interesting week. The food isn't too bad, just very repetitive. Levi's sister, Jackie, sent us the food, which is packaged meals that we eat throughout the day. There are really delicious chocolate shakes, granola bars, and rice snacks. The amazing thing is that I have lost 4 lbs in one week. The goal is between 10 and 15 lbs, so we will see what how much I can lose. The best part about the diet is participating with my boyfriend. It has been a lot easier to do it with Levi, because we support each other. I'm so excited for him; he has lost 9 lbs, which is a great start to our desire to be healthy and in better shape.

New Year

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

Because I am a sociologist I love random vague quotes and this one stuck out to me for the New Year. People simply need a reason and they will do almost anything as long as the reason makes sense and has a purpose. This purpose gives humankind a sense of why the world is and helps gives us a sense of control.

This year one of my goals is to stop worrying about the why of everything and live life to the fullest without having to always question the meaning and needing to always have all of the information. Sometimes we worry to much about the details and loose the beauty of the adventure. This year I want to find the balance between the purpose and the thrill of life.

Promise

Knowing that someone loves you can make a world of difference! They see your imperfections and strengthens as parts of you and they embrace both sides. In their eyes you are pretty much perfect, and with their help you can reach that level you have been striving for. Never have I felt this content with a relationship. The future holds amazing promise, and it's exciting to see where it leads.

Ballad of a Healing Heart

So it's really hard to open your heart up to the possibility of heartache again. Just the idea of loving someone with all my heart really scares me, and makes me want to run away from the potentially awesome guy I have in mind. Putting my heart on the line has never worked out, in the past, and so here I am wishing I could easily open up without having such a fear of being broken again, but at the same time I wonder if it's worth it. Loving someone is so easy for me, but for some reason, no one ever returns that love enough to balance out and form a lasting relationship...

This is stupid!! Every time a boy doesn't like me, I get all hurt and depressed. This is getting way out of hand. From now on I refuse to let boys control my happiness. I don't need to have men falling all over me and taking me out on dates to be happy. I'm taking great classes this year, I have an awesome job, and I have great friends and family that are close by. These things can complete my happiness for a while!

My New Apartment

I love my new apartment, but it still feels weird having everything in a different place. All of my stuff is here, but it doesn't sit right. I guess it's one of those things that will slowly change, but as of right now I feel like I might be living someone else's life...

The Dilemma...

I don't think life can get any more confusing when it comes to guys. For some reason I always become attracted to the guys that either don't know what they want or can't seem to express it correctly. This is my first problem. Secondly, what do I do when I like two guys equally, but nothing ever seems to happen with either one? One is in another state at the moment and the situation is on hold, while the other comes over and hangs out but never initiates anything. The friend thing is getting old especially when I have a crush on them and would like to be more than friends, but if that were to happen it would makes things more confusing because I like them both... what is a girl to do?

It's All In My Head...

Sometimes I feel so alone that I lay in bed unable to sleep because the loneliness consumes me. I have started to listen to my ipod while I fall asleep, because it's easier to listen to music then my thoughts. Why must the idea of being alone scare me so much? I know I'm never really alone, but the unclear future worries me and sometimes I wish I had the confidence to just break out of my shell and not let my fears get to me...

It's interesting to look back on the last couple of weeks and realize that I'm doing okay. Life is pretty good and I have school, work, and an internship that keep me very busy! I look back on everything and to be honest I enjoy being busy and feeling productive. It feels good to know that I am making a difference in my own life and in so many other people's lives. I am blessed to have the ability to go to school and to work part time to control my expenses. All in all, my life is content and I have so much to be thankful for!

Birthday

Today has been really special and I am now one year older. I went to see Alice in Wonderland and had lots of cake and just lounged around enjoying the day. My life is so full and I can honestly say that things are great and I am extremely blessed. Thanks to all the wonderful people who have made my birthday grand!!

These last few weeks have been a huge change and this emotional experience has made me grow more than I have ever thought possible. My reliance on the Lord has been so great and I realized that I truly can't do anything without the help of my father. Life will always be filled with surprises and trials that I never see coming, but when I am able to put my trust in the Lord's hands, I can overcome anything! This is truly what the gospel is all about and knowing this gives me great faith and hope.

So I just sent an email to a really good friend on a mission that I haven't talked to in a year!!! I feel so giddy about it and I can't stop smiling. Life is just full of little moments like this and they help me to realize that things are good. I'm going to be okay with whatever the Lord has in store for me. Even though I hadn't planned for certain things to happen, I can move forward in my life knowing that it's all for the best and eventually I will get the things that I truly desire.

Yesterday I locked my keys in my trunk!!! Yeah first time I have ever done something as dumb as that. I took a friend to the grocery store and was helping her take her groceries to her apartment. I set my keys in one of my grocery bags and then set them in my trunk. I slammed the trunk closed and then remembered my keys. Definitely not one of my smartest moments. But I claim insanity, because I have been sick and a little out of it...

The Looking Glass Self

Okay so a guy I work with commented on my unique personality and it was a pretty funny conversation! He looks at me with a sudden light bulb expression and says, "Wow, you are a very special girl..." My response was, "Like eat the paste special?!" Which he then quickly explained that he thought that I was a very cool girl that was the exception to every rule he could think of. With that he then went so far as to say that the guy I marry will be extremely lucky to have me, because I enjoyed guy things like video games, lord of the rings, blowing stuff up, and camping!!! I'm not going to lie this was an incredible boost to my self esteem and I can't help but hope that my husband will feel the same way about me. I just think of myself as normal old me, but it's nice to sometimes see how others see me. It's always a mind blowing experience because people seem to think that I'm some amazing person that has this great character...

So the year is slowly growing to a close and I wanted to dedicate a post to the old year. A lot has happened this last year. I fell in love with a great guy, finally figured out my future plans for my education, and found a bit of myself that was once forgotten. I have grown in so many ways and I thank my heavenly father for the blessings that I have received this year. It has been a year of many things including trials, but all of the maturing and realization has been worth the struggle and the many tears that were shed. All in all it has been a great year and I hope that 2010 is just as fantastic!!

I am ready for a week of acting like a kid again!!! Just a few more days until I can play in the snow, jump bales, play hide and seek, and dance like crazy. : ) Boy I love going home and spending time with my siblings!!!

I don't know if this is special to only me, but music literally feeds my soul and affects the mood that I'm in. I have a hard time not getting emotional when I listen to music, and sadly I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and listen to my music. Over Christmas break, I plan to just sit and do absolutely nothing as the music plays in the background of my thoughts. It sounds absolutely fabulous and I can't wait until finals are done so I can do so!!!

So it is now after Thanksgiving and I have three weeks of class/finals left in the semester. I need to desperately focus, but all I can think about is Josh... He comes home on the 17th, which is about two weeks away. I wish I could just put things mentally in the back of my mind, but unfortunately I don't have that ability with some things!

Shout Out!!!

Can I just say that I have so many people who I love so much!!! These people are all an important part of my life and they help me so much!! To all those people who care about me, I'm thankful for all of you.

Sometimes Neeley scares me....

wow we are definitely a bunch of hotties!!!

Pie anyone??

just look at all of those smiling faces!

Put those hands up, buddy!

Top Ten

Okay so I have always wanted to make a list of the things that I want to do before I die. These do not have to happen before I'm a certain age, because I firmly believe that I will be a ball of fire even when I am at the ripe old age of 70! Okay here goes...

1. Learn to surf and scuba dive. Hopefully in Hawaii...

2. See the pyramids and the Nile.

3. Visit Australia and see the Outback with all of it's unique peoples and creatures.

4. Go to New Zealand and see where The Lord of the Rings was filmed!

5. Take a hot air balloon ride.

6. Pray in the Sacred Grove.

7. Road trip across the United States.

8. Go to an amusement park. (never been to one...)

9. Have a girl's day at a Spa.

10. Go to another country and serve those in need.